Good afternoon everyone,
As some of you know, I’ve been struggling with my mental health for the last eight months or so. What you and I did not know is that I’ve been struggling for decades but didn’t recognize the signs. If you or someone you know says any of the following, it could be a conscious or unconscious cry for help.
Inability to say no
Always worried about losing you/their job no matter how well you/they are doing
Hemorrhoids that don’t go away or are recurring
Grinding of teeth at night
Broken teeth from night grinding
Tenson in parts of the body that stays or lingers
Replaying conversations over and over
They are practicing conversations before they happen for hours. Because they want to make sure they are understood.
Mental Health is something that we don’t talk about enough, and because of that, people suffer needlessly. Let’s break the stigma!!!
How Being Held Accountable Is an Experience of Vulnerability https://www.mindful.org/how-being-held-accountable-is-an-experience-of-vulnerability/
As most people are waiting for Christmas, I’m looking forward to Vipassanna in January. It’s been a year of ups and downs and the thought of 10 days of self reflection fills my heart with joy. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m looking forward to seeing my niece and nephew opening their Christmas presents and hanging out with my in-laws but 10 days in silence meditation sounds perfect. Somewhere over the past year or so I lost my practice and I’m missing the calming and centering effects it produces.
It’s getting easier to get up at 4 am and I’m looking forward to meditation this morning before Patricia picks me up at 7 am.
I can see myself incorporating the meditation technique(s) into my daily routine. It would be wonderful to continue on this path of self-discovery, hopefully, there are not too many days like day 6 or day 10 lol
Last day of the course, I go home tomorrow.
Noble silence is finished at 9 am and we can start talking again.
I’m not relishing all the noise as I’ve been in silence for 9 days. Somehow I manage to avoid talking till lunch. At this point, my experience goes off the rails again. I arrive late to the dining hall and when I open the door am buffetted with noise, I’m reeling, SO MUCH NOISE!!! I stand in line for my lunch, people are talking to me and I alternate between being sick to my stomach and feeling like I’m going to cry. How are they talking so much? When I get my dinner I sit down away from everyone to try and get my equilibrium back. Unfortunately, it’s not working so outside I go to be in silence. I sit down with a group of people and things start to slowly come back into balance.
I explain the above to them and that I practiced the techniques we learned to calm myself down.
One of them exclaims “It’s great that you have had this experience. It has given you the opportunity to use the tools we were given”
Hmmm…not sure I would have said that when I was going to cry and throw up at the same time.
Rest of the day is LOUD but uneventful. 🙂