Why am I scared of myself?

Why do the good times feel like they are dangerous to my mental health?

I’m starting to realize my good days are when my condition is at its most dangerous to me. During a good day, I start to question whether I’m even sick as Ricky is quiet and I don’t feel as much physical anxiety. Then something changes, positive or negative, it rarely matters, that breaks the illusion and Ricky starts the onslaught. It seems to hit me without warning and like a tsunami, I’m carried away at the moment. So it is when I feel good that I need to be at my most careful. Maybe that is why I’m so uncomfortable when it seems that I can let my guard down, I don’t trust myself? How can I trust good times when I can’t trust my own experiences? Somehow this seems to magnify the negative thoughts until I’m convinced they are true. So why would I trust good times when my physical sensations or my emotional dysregulation seems inconsistent with the events?

Things to ask my therapist tomorrow

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